Xpre$$!ons...
Its gone, gone and gone.
When I stand here, looking back
An abhorrent past plays,
Some good, many dire shades they are.
I walk there, up to it.
I did not wipe the dust.
Its gone, gone and gone.
I saw a smile in darkness…
and a light here and there.
They came laughing, sometimes!
but laughing went back they,
crying the laughter’s wrath,
I stood there.
The pages I left there and walked,
i reached so far from dust and…
there came a running laugh, it stayed.
Still there, I see front.
And laugh at ‘pasting dusty bygone’.
Its gone, gone and gone.
Bumpy boule'words'...
22.9.10
20.9.10
I have nothing to say…
Xpre$$!ons...
What was on the wall today?
but I kept gazing at,
the prosaic air in the room drew more grey lines,
Not a good thing, no.
It’s scary, and it’s abnormally anomalous
having anything to say.
I have no grief to rue on,
No pain to heal
No feeling to sense
But don’t take away what I have
I have nothing to say…
What was on the wall today?
but I kept gazing at,
the prosaic air in the room drew more grey lines,
Not a good thing, no.
It’s scary, and it’s abnormally anomalous
having anything to say.
I have no grief to rue on,
No pain to heal
No feeling to sense
But don’t take away what I have
I have nothing to say…
18.9.10
You walked away…
Xpre$$!ons...
And there came a day when everything died. She walked away and argued that it was my mistake. Agreed, I was running a race evading my own people but it happens. Everybody makes mistakes and its okay to make one, may be even if that multiplies it’s still okay. Not because I committed one, just because my idea of loving a person is not in the idea of owning ones time. I am hurt, and may be because this came as an appalling demeanor for me. I was not your enemy, I was your friend! You could have may be called for the last time, if you ever considered me a friend or may be once met in person to ask me why I am the way I am. You walked away girl, and then said you’re alone!
And there came a day when everything died. She walked away and argued that it was my mistake. Agreed, I was running a race evading my own people but it happens. Everybody makes mistakes and its okay to make one, may be even if that multiplies it’s still okay. Not because I committed one, just because my idea of loving a person is not in the idea of owning ones time. I am hurt, and may be because this came as an appalling demeanor for me. I was not your enemy, I was your friend! You could have may be called for the last time, if you ever considered me a friend or may be once met in person to ask me why I am the way I am. You walked away girl, and then said you’re alone!
25.8.10
Religion is beautiful!
Xpre$$!ons...
There is a ray of light in the corner of my house inside the kitchen and I like the idea of lighting a lamp to God while offering prayers. There is something about the beam, it glows only in the corner but there is a mystifying miasma of light in the house, its celestial. No need to sit down and sing elongated religious hymns, I don’t believe in doing that to impress Gods. Everything we do and we don’t is ultimately to feel good.
I am more spiritual than religious but that does not mean I am not keen to rerun customs of the past during festivals. It brings home fun and fervor and the sense of belonging to a family, a tradition. I am not saintly, and so I also add materialistic pleasures; new clothes, scrumptious food.
On serious note, religion to me means doing good, being good, respecting other religion and being a part of good work but God can wait when there is work, as the saying goes, ‘Work is worship.’
There is some beauty in religion, it is colorful, and it binds us all together for good reasons surely, only if we construe ‘goodness’ from it. I may sound religious when I say ‘religion is beautiful’ and if what religion means to me is the same to you then, yes, I am religious!
There is a ray of light in the corner of my house inside the kitchen and I like the idea of lighting a lamp to God while offering prayers. There is something about the beam, it glows only in the corner but there is a mystifying miasma of light in the house, its celestial. No need to sit down and sing elongated religious hymns, I don’t believe in doing that to impress Gods. Everything we do and we don’t is ultimately to feel good.
I am more spiritual than religious but that does not mean I am not keen to rerun customs of the past during festivals. It brings home fun and fervor and the sense of belonging to a family, a tradition. I am not saintly, and so I also add materialistic pleasures; new clothes, scrumptious food.
On serious note, religion to me means doing good, being good, respecting other religion and being a part of good work but God can wait when there is work, as the saying goes, ‘Work is worship.’
There is some beauty in religion, it is colorful, and it binds us all together for good reasons surely, only if we construe ‘goodness’ from it. I may sound religious when I say ‘religion is beautiful’ and if what religion means to me is the same to you then, yes, I am religious!
27.7.10
‘Solitary grand moment’
Xpre$$!ons...
I hate to dig my old diaries but only once did I smell the pages and I remember it was the purest way of pressing memoirs close to my heart, but I don’t keep my old diaries with me, for some reason unknown.
Whenever I stand thinking alone, there is this whiff of air that passes by me and it untangles the memories—even though they are missing in print they are etched in my mind.
Every first page begins with my grandma; her motherly nurturing has imbibed in me some good mores, the only reminiscence I cherish every minute I go flashback. I see her sitting in the balcony in a grey sari that she always cared to drape it flawlessly, her hair neatly done, and when I look at her pleasant face she smiled back and sang a religious hymn that I too loved humming. I am on her lap, and there is no one in the house and the ‘solitary grand moment’ becomes my only memorable moment with this ‘grand lady’. She was beautiful, the only woman in my life whom I looked up to with a child-like ogle. The blustery weather seemed to be calm in her stillness presence, no word of wisdom we exchanged, no age-difference mattered, the grand moment went by in its preeminent humblest way.
There were no chocolates for the baby but it was the sweetest moment ever, no video games played, yet playful; no park could create an ambience like the loggia, no ‘thing’, nothing could have presented me a beautiful moment like this one. Humming a song or two was not a chore but a chosen task that sadly did not live for a very long time when the tiny toes stood on its own. There were moments like this, but very few. And there on, the closing stages began to stare, demanding a bitter adieu.
No page can word this moment, its special it its own way and so here I remember the grand old lady who gave me my ‘solitary grand moment’. Love you grandma, miss you!
I hate to dig my old diaries but only once did I smell the pages and I remember it was the purest way of pressing memoirs close to my heart, but I don’t keep my old diaries with me, for some reason unknown.
Whenever I stand thinking alone, there is this whiff of air that passes by me and it untangles the memories—even though they are missing in print they are etched in my mind.
Every first page begins with my grandma; her motherly nurturing has imbibed in me some good mores, the only reminiscence I cherish every minute I go flashback. I see her sitting in the balcony in a grey sari that she always cared to drape it flawlessly, her hair neatly done, and when I look at her pleasant face she smiled back and sang a religious hymn that I too loved humming. I am on her lap, and there is no one in the house and the ‘solitary grand moment’ becomes my only memorable moment with this ‘grand lady’. She was beautiful, the only woman in my life whom I looked up to with a child-like ogle. The blustery weather seemed to be calm in her stillness presence, no word of wisdom we exchanged, no age-difference mattered, the grand moment went by in its preeminent humblest way.
There were no chocolates for the baby but it was the sweetest moment ever, no video games played, yet playful; no park could create an ambience like the loggia, no ‘thing’, nothing could have presented me a beautiful moment like this one. Humming a song or two was not a chore but a chosen task that sadly did not live for a very long time when the tiny toes stood on its own. There were moments like this, but very few. And there on, the closing stages began to stare, demanding a bitter adieu.
No page can word this moment, its special it its own way and so here I remember the grand old lady who gave me my ‘solitary grand moment’. Love you grandma, miss you!
25.7.10
A battle within me…
There are times when I just can’t accept as true, something that I become most of the times and then wonder whether this was really ‘me’. And then I pacify myself saying, there are many a kind of women in me who dominate one after the other. But I can’t recall the best woman so far…I haven’t lost it, no. It’s just that I love analyzing people and this time my subject is ‘me’.
Having adapted to reading zodiac signs, and people — my favorite of all I ended up looking into my own self, what I do? Why I do? And why I do whatever I do? Then the thought process goes on piling up, it’s madness though but intriguing. Some might call me self obsessed, I disagree! There is no harm in knowing oneself better, and if you are like me, battling many a women in you then you better watch.
And the confusion began with the mystifying woman inside me, she is the one who lays many a trap and teaches harsh lessons in life. I hate to take consent from her, for she never gave me a single solution. But then the problem is eventually solved with the smarter woman coming to my rescue. People I know never realize this complex nature in me for they know that I already have a twin, and we have been confusing them right from the time we are born. It’s fun, but this one is no fun!
I live in my own world and practicality is something I fail to understand, there is this stubborn dreamer within who just rebuffs the idea of realism. May be I should get real. It’s time. There are many a times you wake up with a bad dream, but that does not mean you stop dreaming, and that does not even mean you get addicted to bad dreams. Wake up with a dream to live it, a good one though.
I was caught in the web of real people around, it’s a maze out here and I am heading to my way out. I know I will reach there, for the real world knows no dreams of a dreamer and for this may be I need to surrender these women. There has to be a woman alone; strong, assertive, alert and very responsible. There are times when we have to do this, evaluate, own up and advocate ones’ wrong actions, especially if these unwanted women in you are building castles in the air.
Having adapted to reading zodiac signs, and people — my favorite of all I ended up looking into my own self, what I do? Why I do? And why I do whatever I do? Then the thought process goes on piling up, it’s madness though but intriguing. Some might call me self obsessed, I disagree! There is no harm in knowing oneself better, and if you are like me, battling many a women in you then you better watch.
And the confusion began with the mystifying woman inside me, she is the one who lays many a trap and teaches harsh lessons in life. I hate to take consent from her, for she never gave me a single solution. But then the problem is eventually solved with the smarter woman coming to my rescue. People I know never realize this complex nature in me for they know that I already have a twin, and we have been confusing them right from the time we are born. It’s fun, but this one is no fun!
I live in my own world and practicality is something I fail to understand, there is this stubborn dreamer within who just rebuffs the idea of realism. May be I should get real. It’s time. There are many a times you wake up with a bad dream, but that does not mean you stop dreaming, and that does not even mean you get addicted to bad dreams. Wake up with a dream to live it, a good one though.
I was caught in the web of real people around, it’s a maze out here and I am heading to my way out. I know I will reach there, for the real world knows no dreams of a dreamer and for this may be I need to surrender these women. There has to be a woman alone; strong, assertive, alert and very responsible. There are times when we have to do this, evaluate, own up and advocate ones’ wrong actions, especially if these unwanted women in you are building castles in the air.
13.7.10
‘I am just a girl asking her boy to love her’
This is the best time to write ‘love stories’ when you’re alone, sick and coughing on the bed, to let know your best boy how much you love him. You feel sorry for your state, sometimes you go a step ahead thinking it’s your last breath, cry and tell some important people how much you care and love them. To add a little drama to the whole feeling of sickness, some tears drop in too, and then the whole episode looks funnier after you jump out of the bed and say, ‘whatever was I thinking last night’. And this just happened with me this morning! But I did make a call, and let my boy know how much I care to spend my life with him, how much I wanted him to see my crying face and how much I wanted to see him care for me.
Love, no, it doesn’t happen to lucky people, it’s not of ‘Mr Right and Ms Right, no, I disagree. There is more to it than just saying ‘I love you’. This thought crept into my mind when my dad asked me, ‘why is that youngsters today think we parents don’t understand love? Why are you guys obsessed with good looking, rich guys/girls and call it ‘love’? Why don’t you fall in love with a beggar? But he was right this time, every time we discussed love stories I always thought we knew better than our parents did. And this time I lost the debate, but I did realize that there is a little ‘thinking’ that goes even into falling for a person. Love happens, but before making it happen in the due course we consider many things. The making of a love story is more practical than it does not seem at all.
And when the thinking is over, there are emotions that follow up with some sense of responsibilities. When you’re in love you never admit, and as you enter the beautiful trap you realize the trap is a wonderful defeat and if this is how it feels to be in it, then you would always want to be defeated.
All I am trying to say here is that I have been defeated and madly in love. And I say, ‘‘I am just a girl asking her boy to love her’.
4.3.10
3.3.10
Xpre$$!ons...
Every time I smile in good moments it is just for a while for that 'smile' never happened again, not for any other reason! Just like important people's validity in our life is very limited, no additional offers to ask some time from them to convince them for the 'smirk' but they leave for some other reason. The only reason you know for their departure becomes the only reason for another 'smirk
Every time I smile in good moments it is just for a while for that 'smile' never happened again, not for any other reason! Just like important people's validity in our life is very limited, no additional offers to ask some time from them to convince them for the 'smirk' but they leave for some other reason. The only reason you know for their departure becomes the only reason for another 'smirk
26.2.10
Xpre$$!ons...
Sitting in the corner of my desk I go back to the reverie, the days I lived every moment with zest and never did I realize the need for keeping mum for certain things that demanded a veil. They said things are not the way they seem to be and I never took it seriously. And when I said, all I said giving no hope to the ones that trusted me, bad.
When things go hay wire all you say is that it’s good to commit a mistake but the best only when you learn from it. And here I wait for that ‘best’ to come for now I deserve the cold wind and no defense I merit.
Sitting in the corner of my desk I go back to the reverie, the days I lived every moment with zest and never did I realize the need for keeping mum for certain things that demanded a veil. They said things are not the way they seem to be and I never took it seriously. And when I said, all I said giving no hope to the ones that trusted me, bad.
When things go hay wire all you say is that it’s good to commit a mistake but the best only when you learn from it. And here I wait for that ‘best’ to come for now I deserve the cold wind and no defense I merit.
6.2.10
Xpre$$!ons...
In the dark room when I enter looking for the switch to recognize how I left my home, in the form of some ray entering my lonely cave a light comes to the rescue of my sightless view. Then the room that could be a little more tidy welcomes its master with the same zest, no sound I hear even from the corners of the other room but then I realize why did I come home so soon.
When I am caught in the crowd sharing the little space on the road, I manage somehow to turn few heads for that puts me right in the place. Even the yearning for walking alone with that confident smile in the air has achieved and I look lost in the world of ‘fighters’, I feel the battle is over and ask for self to seek tranquility and the only place she drags me is ‘home’.
In the dark room when I enter looking for the switch to recognize how I left my home, in the form of some ray entering my lonely cave a light comes to the rescue of my sightless view. Then the room that could be a little more tidy welcomes its master with the same zest, no sound I hear even from the corners of the other room but then I realize why did I come home so soon.
When I am caught in the crowd sharing the little space on the road, I manage somehow to turn few heads for that puts me right in the place. Even the yearning for walking alone with that confident smile in the air has achieved and I look lost in the world of ‘fighters’, I feel the battle is over and ask for self to seek tranquility and the only place she drags me is ‘home’.
25.1.10
Even God has gone green!
Xpre$$!ons...
(published in www.deccanherald.com)
In the times when everybody is talking about grass, leaves and vegetables, the Ganesha festival too went green in Goa this year. What coaxed the Goan government to take such measures? The green activists there ensured that floral offerings made to Lord Ganesha would be converted to compost, and this happened after ‘hard line protest’ by ‘green activists’. They also made certain that the composting would be done in separate pits, respecting the sentiments of the people.
This is an example of how things can be moulded smartly without lighting communal violence. Hats off to the civil society groups in Panaji! They made Ganesha festival eco-friendly and even took measures to check water pollution. The compost will be used as manure for the parks and gardens in the corporation of Panaji.
We are all very familiar with ‘global warming’, but who cares! This is going to happen, but our stance is- let us see when that affects us…Our mind keeps trotting with such ‘chalta hai’ attitude.
We have to protest, not for language, state or statues but for ‘environment’. But there are a very few hearts that beat for ‘nature’. Unfortunately ‘mother earth’ has not been glamorous enough to earn fans like Mr Amitabh Bachchan and Dr Rajkumar did. Activists are summarily dismissed, their voices goes unheard. People brand them with different names but the fact is, these activists are right, very right. We have to go green in every way we could; thanks to the ‘Green Ganesha’. Just wished Bangalore raised this issue before, we could have used the manure for Lal Bagh and Cubbon Park. But is the BBMP listening?
(published in www.deccanherald.com)
In the times when everybody is talking about grass, leaves and vegetables, the Ganesha festival too went green in Goa this year. What coaxed the Goan government to take such measures? The green activists there ensured that floral offerings made to Lord Ganesha would be converted to compost, and this happened after ‘hard line protest’ by ‘green activists’. They also made certain that the composting would be done in separate pits, respecting the sentiments of the people.
This is an example of how things can be moulded smartly without lighting communal violence. Hats off to the civil society groups in Panaji! They made Ganesha festival eco-friendly and even took measures to check water pollution. The compost will be used as manure for the parks and gardens in the corporation of Panaji.
We are all very familiar with ‘global warming’, but who cares! This is going to happen, but our stance is- let us see when that affects us…Our mind keeps trotting with such ‘chalta hai’ attitude.
We have to protest, not for language, state or statues but for ‘environment’. But there are a very few hearts that beat for ‘nature’. Unfortunately ‘mother earth’ has not been glamorous enough to earn fans like Mr Amitabh Bachchan and Dr Rajkumar did. Activists are summarily dismissed, their voices goes unheard. People brand them with different names but the fact is, these activists are right, very right. We have to go green in every way we could; thanks to the ‘Green Ganesha’. Just wished Bangalore raised this issue before, we could have used the manure for Lal Bagh and Cubbon Park. But is the BBMP listening?
Selling blessings in the God’s market!
Xpre$$!ons...
(published in deccanherald.com)
In His name we fight, in His name we kill and then swear upon His name of not having committed any crime. For His love to be known by many names He divides us, playing a joke with the country’s secularism but He is still the same; Godly and heavenly. It is not an atheist voice; it is the voice of a God’s devotee.
Recent visit to Banashankari temple near Badami (In North Karnataka) surprised me for its polluted land and corrupted scruples. When we go to visit some place at least after five-years one expects change and here everything seemed to have changed. The temple’s surrounding which used to be fairly clean, was filled with garbage. The temple’s interior needed immediate cleaning, unless one evades the dark corners of the temple. For some reason, even the space where a tap existed at the entrance, was converted into an area to store footwear; unlike in the past shoes were not allowed in the temple premises.
Many devotees fail not clean their feet before entering the temple, leaving the temple sullied. And then there is a cell for collecting funds for the temple. What happens to the funds? Why can’t the temple caretakers take charge of maintaining cleanliness? There are all kinds of rules framed for people who seek ‘darshan’ but no rules for maintaining cleanliness!
Cleanliness, says the proverb, is next to Godliness. We humans, are expected to take bath before we visit a holy place but if the holy place is dirty, then what are we talking about? So many dips in the purest water all in His name and not one dip for His holy place! It seems like a disgrace to the holy place, especially when you exploit every situation, in the name of God.
The priests’ today tend to behave like the frustrated auto-drivers in the metro city; they grab all that does not show in the meter. Rules are rules, agreed. Are they same for all? They are also paid extra, for that extra ‘darshan’ . Then why is it that most of the priests stand in the temples screaming ‘move fast’? Pay for your blessings in the God’s market, if that is the only way but make sure your ‘darshan’ is clean!
(published in deccanherald.com)
In His name we fight, in His name we kill and then swear upon His name of not having committed any crime. For His love to be known by many names He divides us, playing a joke with the country’s secularism but He is still the same; Godly and heavenly. It is not an atheist voice; it is the voice of a God’s devotee.
Recent visit to Banashankari temple near Badami (In North Karnataka) surprised me for its polluted land and corrupted scruples. When we go to visit some place at least after five-years one expects change and here everything seemed to have changed. The temple’s surrounding which used to be fairly clean, was filled with garbage. The temple’s interior needed immediate cleaning, unless one evades the dark corners of the temple. For some reason, even the space where a tap existed at the entrance, was converted into an area to store footwear; unlike in the past shoes were not allowed in the temple premises.
Many devotees fail not clean their feet before entering the temple, leaving the temple sullied. And then there is a cell for collecting funds for the temple. What happens to the funds? Why can’t the temple caretakers take charge of maintaining cleanliness? There are all kinds of rules framed for people who seek ‘darshan’ but no rules for maintaining cleanliness!
Cleanliness, says the proverb, is next to Godliness. We humans, are expected to take bath before we visit a holy place but if the holy place is dirty, then what are we talking about? So many dips in the purest water all in His name and not one dip for His holy place! It seems like a disgrace to the holy place, especially when you exploit every situation, in the name of God.
The priests’ today tend to behave like the frustrated auto-drivers in the metro city; they grab all that does not show in the meter. Rules are rules, agreed. Are they same for all? They are also paid extra, for that extra ‘darshan’ . Then why is it that most of the priests stand in the temples screaming ‘move fast’? Pay for your blessings in the God’s market, if that is the only way but make sure your ‘darshan’ is clean!
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